It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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