Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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