first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
