i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk is not a location!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
