i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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