dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
