He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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