I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
