Christians are straight up FREAKS
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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