So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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