I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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