two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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