maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
