I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
