Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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