WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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