Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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