we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
