Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she peed on how many people?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
