He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
