tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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