I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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