she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
