i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
