forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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