Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
