Acid is not a monday night drug
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
