i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
