I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
