i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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