I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize