i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
