i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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