So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
