Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
