I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
