just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
