is wine microwaveable?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
