Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
