so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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