Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
