a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
