Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
