I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
