and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
