it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
