these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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