dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
