we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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