im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
