i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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