as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
