Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
