Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
