Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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