so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
