so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
