My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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