Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
