he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
