what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
