return my video game
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
