I'm jealous of your bromance
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How external is "for external use only"?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
