Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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