you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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