i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
