She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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