A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
