who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
