Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize