I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize