worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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