Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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